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This is a hard day, a difficult day, with so much sadness. So many lost their lives by the hands of a homophobic madman. A man so close minded and brainwashed that he goes into a nightclub and shoots as many as he can. Not targeting a specific person, but a group as a whole. In a place where they thought they would be safe to show who they were. My thoughts are with the victims, their friends and family.

Many will probably link this to Islam, but that is wrong. This was not the average Muslim, this was a madman which you can find of any religion or belief. Just see the Norwegian terrorist Anders B. Breivik who did just the same. I’m still embarrassed by how some of the Norwegians acted towards Muslims before the identity of the attacker was known.

Remember, this is terror, the goal is to make us afraid, to keep us of the street, to stop us showing affection in public, to keep us in the closet. I will not accept that. This summer I will march in the Pride parade to show we will not be frightened, we will not hide, we are out and we are proud!

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It’s already summer!

The times moves a bit too fast, and the summer is here. And it is hot, if my leather shorts hadn’t been just a bit too short I would have used it out in public. The heat was never a problem when I lived in northern Norway.

Summer means that the holidays are coming up.  In a couple of weeks, I’ll go to London for a long weekend. As I’m going with family it will probably be low key. But I have to do some shopping, I want some new toys and tools.

Then it is strait to Oslo pride. It lasts for a week. SLM Oslo has several parties this week. I will miss the first party on Saturday 18th as I’m not back from London yet. But on Wednesday I’ll be ready for “Young fetish night”, it is a party with both a lower and upper age limit. Often a good place to let young guys test out their fetishes and also recruit new members to SLM. On Thursday, SLM is open to everyone, also females. I’m not sure if I will join them, as that is not quite my cup of tea. But Friday is the “Oslo Leather Pride” party, a must for every leather man in and around Oslo. The parade is in Saturday the 24th, and that is the last day of Oslo Pride. The closing party at SLM is a more usual Fetish night.

Then my vacation starts for real, three weeks of not working (yea, right…). Not much planed yet, except for towards the end of July, I’m heading for Berlin for the Statfest and the CSD Berlin, this has become a tradition. The only thing I’m certain of is that I’m going on “CSD auf der Spree”, river boats with queer people. I’m going on the Leather and Fetish boat of course. I will probably come back to what happens in Berlin when it is a bit closer to departure.

Wolf in sheep’s clothing

I hold my normal life and fetish life quite separate. Some of my normal life friends know I like to dress up in leathers and have some kinky fun, but those are few. Often when I meet people in my everyday life I am wondering if they have fetishes and what they might be. Not that I’m nosey, but rather interested in human nature. Everyone has some kind of lust, something that makes one tick. Ok, maybe not the asexual.

Being a fetish guy myself I know how it can liven up sex and add some spice. It makes me wonder what people without fetishes or kinks do, or is that the reason they say people have less sex over time. I see the point that some fetishes take time and that’s one of the things people do not have.

At the same time, I wonder if they even know about what’s out there. Their horizon might have been broadened by books and films like “Fifty Shades of Grey”, even though that one is said to be quite bad, I haven’t seen it yet (and probably never will). As a result of the publicity the book got, all the sex shops started to sell fetish equipment (often of quite bad quality). It might help to spread the word.

While writing this I’m sitting in a café looking at the guys ordering something with a trace of coffee in it. Most of them are probably strait, but they can still be on the kinky side. As with me it might not be obvious if some of them are into fetishes. It is fascinating to speculate what they are up to in the privacy of their own, or others, home. Are they submissive or do they have control? What kind of play would they like to be a part of? I make up my own answers, and believe me we would have lots of fun.

The social acceptable number of sex partners

I sometimes get the question “How many sex partners have you had?” And every time I consider if I should answer correctly or modify my answer to the social acceptable number.

As it isn’t well known that I’m a fetish guy and like random NSA play. Most of those are themselves into fetishes, and they do not ask. It is almost like an unwritten rule not to ask another fetish guy about his number of playfellows. So the people who would ask is quite limited. I just got this question from one of those, and my mind raced, I began observing my own reaction and thought patterns. I concluded to be honest and give an approximate number (I really do not have an exact number).

Afterwards I begun pondering on my reactions to the question. I first considered if I should give the real number or adjust it. The guy knew it was bigger than three. I admit I first wanted to give the “social acceptable” number, but I realised I don’t know what this number would be and reverted to the truth. Then I considered who to count, it might seem like a simple question, but when is it sex? Anal and oral sex is easy. Should I include wanking? And what about those sexually tense activities where none of the aforementioned actions was included? As I did not have time to consider this before I had to give an answer, I just made an estimate of anal and oral sex situations.

It is an interesting question, when is it sex? I often hear people include anal penetration or oral sex, but excluding jerking someone of. When a dick is stuck into someone else is sex of course. Touching an aroused dick might be sex, but then only if it cums? I would in any case include the last. I would also include edging in sex, even if no one cums. Then the basis for what can be said to be sex is what gives at least one member of the activity sexual pleasure. A definition that is really broad. And I think I have to adjust the number of sex partners next time I’m asked, or maybe just keep to the number of anal or oral sex. People might think I’m a whore, slut or sexaholic, and the last thing I want is to confirm something someone might suspect. Joke aside, I don’t want anyone to judge me on the basis of the number of sex partners I have. Nor giving anyone any reason to talk about me behind my back, which is bound to happen when stepping outside the norm. Well, more about that another time I think.

At the same time, in most everyday cases people who ask the question are not prepared to hear the real number. If they hear “Oh, just last weekend it was seven.”, they would probably get their knickers in a twist. So you should take the audience in to consideration, rather than telling the truth, and give the social acceptable number.