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Left or Right side?

When starting with any kind of fetish and fetish parties it might be good to remember the rule about left and right in correlation to sexual preference (top or bottom). It might be displayed as a cuff on one wrist, keys on the belt, or the well-known hanky.

I am surprised how often I get this question, mostly from new guys in the fetish community, but also from men that has been around for a couple of years. I have talked to people who think the meaning of left and right are different between Europe and the United States, this is not the case, it is the same everywhere.

Left hand side: Right hand side:
  • Top
  • Active
  • Giver
  • Dominant
  • Bottom
  • Passive
  • Receiver
  • Submissive

You will see guys with plain black cuffs on both wrist. Then ask, they might be a switch, or it might be that they think it looks better. If the cuffs have some colour you can expect that they are a signal of sexual preference.

I always take such signs with a grain of salt, a good talk is preferred. A submissive might signal he is dominant on purpose, for instance if he is looking for someone special, and to discourage play with other random tops. Or if the guy is like me, mostly dominant, he might switch for the right top.

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Different harness types

In my opinion a nice harness is one of the hottest thing a guy can wear. It has to be quite solid so I can give it a good pull without ruining it. Last weekend I got a question about different harness types, and I thought it was about time I finished this blog post.

There are several basic harness types, and if you are looking for your first harness there are a lot to choose from. As with everything else the same harness types might be known by different names. Below I have listed the most usual types with drawings, they might vary a bit in finish or minor details. And some of those details makes out the difference in the name.

I will not go into the material of the harness or if there are buckles and where they might be placed in this post. If you know of a harness you think I should have included in this list, let me know in the comment section.


H-Harness

Bulldog/Crossbow/H-Harness

This kind of harness is quite popular. You can get it with and without the ring in the middle in front. It is often known as a bulldog harness if it has the ring or crossbow harness if it doesn’t.

With the ring in the front you can add an extra strap with a cock ring in the other end, some call it cockstrap.

In the back it is often the same as in front. But I have seen it with an X on the back – the strap over the left shoulder returns under the right and the one over the right returns under the left.

Back


4-Strap Harness

Top/4-Strap Harness

As one of the names describes so perfectly, it has 4 straps. Such a harness is also known as a top harness. Connected to one ring in front and one in the back. Often the ring on the back is placed a bit higher than the one in front. It is an basic design often used in other harnesses.

Back
harness-top-back


Y-Harness

English/Y-Harness

The Y-harness is almost the H-harness on its side. It can have a similar fastening in the back as it has in front, but it can also be one ring with all four straps fastened, just as the 4-strap harness. You can find it labelled as an English harness

As the H-harness, you can add a cock ring strap to this harness. Be sure to check the length of that one before you buy.

Back

 


Sling/Shoulder Harness

Sling/Shoulder Harness

Shoulder harness is minimal in front, it has just a strap over each shoulder. In the back it can be like an H-harness or all four can be connected to one ring in the centre like the 4-strap harness.

Back


Gladiator Harness

Gladiator Harness

the gladiator harness is almost a half H-harness. And it is the same in the back as in front. I have seen it called “Sea Dog harness”, but then it had a special fastening mechanism in front.

Back
harness-gladiator-back


The upper body drawing are based on one I found on the image search on Google, I tried to find the original, but no success. If anyone know let me know.

Going to a fetish party for the first time?

If you are going to a fetish party for the first time, you probably have a number of questions. Like what to ware, what to expect and what to do. Of course the answers will vary from party to party, but some are quite general.

There is a basic difference between a private party and a party at some club. A private party are often more to the point, while in a club you might not get to any point at all. What the theme is, decides what type of gear you should use. For instance do not go in leather to a strictly rubber party, and do not use allot of time getting your rubber ready if you are going to a nude party. In some cases there might not be clear what you should wear, then ask the host (or the club) what they expect the others to dress. At the same time it is often easier to take off some of the gear if you feel you have too much on.

If you are going to a sex party, then less is more, often to much gear comes in the way. Is it a leather club, feel free wear everything, as long as it looks good. You should bring your own condoms and lube, you never know when you need some and if there are any available.

I would recommend to not go alone to a club where you do not know any other people. Both of social and security reasons (especially if you plan to lose control). It is good to have some one to talk to if it is a slow night, and some one to watch your beer or drink when your attention is elsewhere. If you are into BDSM it is good to have some one to make sure your limits are observed and not crossed.

When there, everything is up to you. You will seldom get any action if you just stand by a wall looking at guys. But of course you might just want to watch. If you talk to someone it does not always mean they want hot and steamy sex with you, so no pressure. At the same time feel free to talk about sex or fetishes, it is nice to know if you are into the same stuff before you suggest something more.

This is much easier at a private party, there is less stress and you know what to expect in regards to type of party, duration and people you will meet. If you do not know any one at the party and are not so brave to meet everyone at once, it might be a good idea to meet the host first for a cup of coffee or something.

Remember, you should not do anything you do not want to do and always play safe!