I hold my normal life and fetish life quite separate. Some of my normal life friends know I like to dress up in leathers and have some kinky fun, but those are few. Often when I meet people in my everyday life I am wondering if they have fetishes and what they might be. Not that I’m nosey, but rather interested in human nature. Everyone has some kind of lust, something that makes one tick. Ok, maybe not the asexual.
Being a fetish guy myself I know how it can liven up sex and add some spice. It makes me wonder what people without fetishes or kinks do, or is that the reason they say people have less sex over time. I see the point that some fetishes take time and that’s one of the things people do not have.
At the same time, I wonder if they even know about what’s out there. Their horizon might have been broadened by books and films like “Fifty Shades of Grey”, even though that one is said to be quite bad, I haven’t seen it yet (and probably never will). As a result of the publicity the book got, all the sex shops started to sell fetish equipment (often of quite bad quality). It might help to spread the word.
While writing this I’m sitting in a café looking at the guys ordering something with a trace of coffee in it. Most of them are probably strait, but they can still be on the kinky side. As with me it might not be obvious if some of them are into fetishes. It is fascinating to speculate what they are up to in the privacy of their own, or others, home. Are they submissive or do they have control? What kind of play would they like to be a part of? I make up my own answers, and believe me we would have lots of fun.
I sometimes get the question “How many sex partners have you had?” And every time I consider if I should answer correctly or modify my answer to the social acceptable number.
As it isn’t well known that I’m a fetish guy and like random NSA play. Most of those are themselves into fetishes, and they do not ask. It is almost like an unwritten rule not to ask another fetish guy about his number of playfellows. So the people who would ask is quite limited. I just got this question from one of those, and my mind raced, I began observing my own reaction and thought patterns. I concluded to be honest and give an approximate number (I really do not have an exact number).
Afterwards I begun pondering on my reactions to the question. I first considered if I should give the real number or adjust it. The guy knew it was bigger than three. I admit I first wanted to give the “social acceptable” number, but I realised I don’t know what this number would be and reverted to the truth. Then I considered who to count, it might seem like a simple question, but when is it sex? Anal and oral sex is easy. Should I include wanking? And what about those sexually tense activities where none of the aforementioned actions was included? As I did not have time to consider this before I had to give an answer, I just made an estimate of anal and oral sex situations.
It is an interesting question, when is it sex? I often hear people include anal penetration or oral sex, but excluding jerking someone of. When a dick is stuck into someone else is sex of course. Touching an aroused dick might be sex, but then only if it cums? I would in any case include the last. I would also include edging in sex, even if no one cums. Then the basis for what can be said to be sex is what gives at least one member of the activity sexual pleasure. A definition that is really broad. And I think I have to adjust the number of sex partners next time I’m asked, or maybe just keep to the number of anal or oral sex. People might think I’m a whore, slut or sexaholic, and the last thing I want is to confirm something someone might suspect. Joke aside, I don’t want anyone to judge me on the basis of the number of sex partners I have. Nor giving anyone any reason to talk about me behind my back, which is bound to happen when stepping outside the norm. Well, more about that another time I think.
At the same time, in most everyday cases people who ask the question are not prepared to hear the real number. If they hear “Oh, just last weekend it was seven.”, they would probably get their knickers in a twist. So you should take the audience in to consideration, rather than telling the truth, and give the social acceptable number.
I’m on different gay community websites and apps. Sometimes when non-fetish guys contact me they ask about what I’m into. Even though I have a list on my profile. When I give the them the short version, they answer me something that amounts to “Oh, I’m not into that, bye”.
When you ask a fetish guy what he likes you would probably get a list with lots of dirty action. It seems like they think that if we hook up I will start at the top of the list and work myself downwards through every little kink. And he is required follow. This misconception is extremely irritating, especially when the guy is really hot. If I agree to meet a guy for some fun we would do something both would enjoy. It’s not a problem if that is plain vanilla, as long as we both know what to expect.
I do realise that none of those guys I’m ranting about will read this, I just had to let out some steam.
So yea, I’m a fetish guy, but no fanatic.
Even though Oslo is a small city compared to other capitals in Europe there are several places to buy fetish gear. After “Fifty shades of grey” also normal sex shops got some fetish wear, but often of low quality. The “Kondomeriet” in the high street (Karl Johans gt.) is more for fun than a serious sex shop.
This is probably the biggest sex shop in Oslo, and it has a part with leather, rubber and other fetish gear as a Mr.B shop in shop. They also have a large video department, with quite a good selection.
They have recently moved (OK, about half a year ago), to a street just above the Rockefeller Music Hall, and a couple of streets from Youngstorget. Keep in mind that you might not be able to try the stuff before you buy, especially rubber.
A hairdresser with something extra, a little gay sex shop. He has products from Mr. B, Barcode and other well known brands. He has good prices (also on haircuts). The store is quite small, it is definitely worth a visit. His store is located at the bottom of Grrünerløkka, but it might be hard to find so find yourself a map.
A franchise of the German company with the same name. They have some leather and rubber, and a good selection in lubes. Unfortunately the fetish gear are not of the best quality, but it is cheap. The store is placed near to the natural science museum, between two tram stops. Really easy to spot because of the big faces on the wall (As you see in the picture).
This is a small store, with quite a good selection of toys for men. It seems a bit sketchy, but it is better on the inside. You can find it between Grünerløkka and Carl Berner.
If you are going to a fetish party for the first time, you probably have a number of questions. Like what to ware, what to expect and what to do. Of course the answers will vary from party to party, but some are quite general.
There is a basic difference between a private party and a party at some club. A private party are often more to the point, while in a club you might not get to any point at all. What the theme is, decides what type of gear you should use. For instance do not go in leather to a strictly rubber party, and do not use allot of time getting your rubber ready if you are going to a nude party. In some cases there might not be clear what you should wear, then ask the host (or the club) what they expect the others to dress. At the same time it is often easier to take off some of the gear if you feel you have too much on.
If you are going to a sex party, then less is more, often to much gear comes in the way. Is it a leather club, feel free wear everything, as long as it looks good. You should bring your own condoms and lube, you never know when you need some and if there are any available.
I would recommend to not go alone to a club where you do not know any other people. Both of social and security reasons (especially if you plan to lose control). It is good to have some one to talk to if it is a slow night, and some one to watch your beer or drink when your attention is elsewhere. If you are into BDSM it is good to have some one to make sure your limits are observed and not crossed.
When there, everything is up to you. You will seldom get any action if you just stand by a wall looking at guys. But of course you might just want to watch. If you talk to someone it does not always mean they want hot and steamy sex with you, so no pressure. At the same time feel free to talk about sex or fetishes, it is nice to know if you are into the same stuff before you suggest something more.
This is much easier at a private party, there is less stress and you know what to expect in regards to type of party, duration and people you will meet. If you do not know any one at the party and are not so brave to meet everyone at once, it might be a good idea to meet the host first for a cup of coffee or something.
Remember, you should not do anything you do not want to do and always play safe!
Last weekend Scandinavian Leather Men Oslo had the first club night after the summer vacation. Not a lot of people, but fun anyway. People in leather, rubber, jockstraps or just in the nude. And in all age groups. It was quite hot in the bar area, so the basement was frequently visited by everyone.
When I got there, it might have been around twelve, it was a really good atmosphere with horny guys and cold beer. Everyone was dressed for the occasion. There is normally one or two who hasn’t made an effort, just dressed in a casual t-shirt and jeans, but I can’t remember seeing anyone this time. It might be that only the “dedicated” fetish guys wanted to spend a hot summer night indoors.
It was also noticeable in the basement, as it seemed like the sex was rougher than usual. There was always some action going on, sucking, deep-throating (you could hear the sound), rimming and fucking.
The coming weekend SLM Oslo has a nude and underwear party, it might be worth a visit.
It is only one gay leather and fetish club in Oslo, and that is Scandinavian Leather Men. It is an members club, but they let non-members in for a higher entrance fee. They are not very strict on the dress code. The club is open about every other weekend, and might have themed parties. For instance “Naked and Underwear”, “Rubber”, and so on.
They have an guarded wardrobe, so you can change and/or undress when you arrive. If you do not want to go around with your money or credit cards, you can leave them in the bar, and get an number on your arm.
You enter on the ground floor, where you find the bar, the toilets and a small playroom. In the basement there is several areas, a couple of slings, a wetroom, two stalls with glory holes and some more general darkroom areas.
The people at the club are typical Norwegians, nice and polite, but they are not the first to make contact. Most of Norwegians speak English, so feel free to talk to people hanging around the bar.
It is an non-profit organisation, and is driven by volunteers. So be nice to those who work there, and do not destroy the interior. There are plenty of condoms available. And on some nights an gay health organisation have free HIV tests.
Check their website for an updated list of events, http://www.slmoslo.no/
Have fun and play safe!
Lab.Oratory (aka lab or laboratory) is probably the biggest gay sex venue in Berlin. It is in the same building as Berghain, but do not have the same entrance nor queue, but we will get back to that. The building itself is an old power plant, which gives a lot to the atmosphere, combined with a industrial interior (almost post apocalyptic) and techno music it is perfect for a good time.
As Lab.Oratory has different themes every night, it is important that you check the calendar on their website. You must follow any dresscode they might have for the evening. And if it is a special fetish night be sure you know what you get in to.
How to get there
Get yourself to Ostbahnhof, it is a station on the S-bahn. Leave the station in the direction of “Erich-Steinfurt-Straße”, then go to the right till you meet a street called “Straße der Pariser Kommune”. Here you should cross the street, and follow it to the left. Walk on till you come to the street “Am Wriezener Bahnhof”, in the end of this street you will see the big building on the left hand side. As I wrote wrote earlier, there is two different queues. You want to pass the queue to berghain and walk to the left of the building. There you will find the entrance to Lab.Oratory.
Congratulation you have arrived at your destination.
What to expect when you enter.
There is an entrance fee, and you will get an number, this is the number for your bill for the evening. Then go to the changing room. Get an bag from the attendant, and change into what you want to wear for the night, if anything at all. Leave your belongings in the bag and your number is written on the bag and on you. It might be better to leave expensive stuff at home.
Now you are ready to have some fun. Go and explore the premises.
When you leave.
Get your stuff in the changing room, change back if you want. All your drinks or other beverages are written on your tab, make sure to pay this before leaving. Actually you can not leave without giving the doorkeeper the receipt and your number. You can pay this in any bar.
And as always play safe.
If there is anything important I forgot, feel free to leave a comment below.